Sex in the Tent

It has been 15 years since I wrote about sex in the tent, a newspaper article that was printed across Canada except for a few places where editors claimed that “the local men wouldn’t like it.” Here may be the reason why some men wouldn’t like it.

It is summer. You and your partner (heterosexual) are young or even a little bit old. You have a few days free time so you head out on a backcountry-hiking trip. You pick a place, away from people but with beautiful scenery. You buy dehydrated food, grease your boots and pack your gear. You drive to the trailhead.

The sun is shining as you haul your pack onto your back. It feels good, just the two of you off for an adventure in the wilderness. You pass dug up gopher and marmot holes, claw marks on tree trunks, some prints in damp places along the creeks and piles of bear scat. You fondle your bear spray and do a lot of nervous chattering while you walk.

The alpines soon attract your attention and you forget the bears. Your partner has never looked healthier and the day’s conversations are more interesting. You pitch your tent about a hundred feet from the campfire, make a hot toddy and then have supper. You burn garbage, hang food and put on odour-free sleeping cloths. The sun sets red and the moon shines romantically. Your hormones rage so you light the survival candle and place it beside your tent for effect. You haven’t felt this good for a long time. Since there is no one else around, you do the most natural thing possible. You have sex.

This scene is common to me except for the sex part. My husband John and I both know that the resulting smell after a sexual act could be attractive to bears and John is very paranoid. He would never have a lit candle in the tent unless he was in the last stages of hypothermia, and the dung pile would have convinced him to hike all night if necessary just to get to the safety of his vehicle. John’s paranoia lets him kiss me good night but only after he is safely zipped into his sleeping bag and I in mine.

This is noble of him because sex in the tent is more dangerous for me than for him. The woman is left with the stronger smell.

The subject of sex in the tent (or anywhere in the wilderness) has never been studied by the bear experts nor do the national park wardens talk about it to visitors. Whenever I speak to officials (usually men) about the matter, they smile, think for a moment and then say that it hasn’t been proven so they can’t make recommendations. The conversation usually deteriorates into a round of jokes where the officials offer to be subjects in the study should I want them as specimens in the experiment.

The one legitimate reason for avoiding research on the topic is because it is difficult to gather information from survivors, particularly if the survivor is the husband and suffering loss plus guilt from being unable to defend his partner which, make no mistake, is near-impossible to do. Also, discussing sex generally is socially acceptable but discussing it personally becomes embarrassing.

Whenever I speak to anyone about dangerous smells when in the wilderness, most of them never think of sexual intercourse as producing a smell.

Years ago I spoke to Steve Herrero, the Canadian bear specialist, about the issue and he said that there have been many studies done on the subject of the female menstrual cycle and its significance, or lack of, in bear attacks, but there have never been studies done on the odour produced from sexual intercourse. When I pointed out some deadly incidents that may have involved sex in the tent, Herrero said that my theory was a “reasonable hypothesis”.

I have read about many encounters. Those involving young couples, where there seems to be no other explanation as to the bear’s attraction, leave me suspicious, especially since some of these attacks are directed toward women by bears that are neither sick, old, hungry or with cubs.

I agree that there may be some unexplainable bear attacks but until scientific research is conducted and until I am proven or disproven, I shall continue to advocate abstinence from sex in the tent (or anywhere in bear country). And girls, since you are in the greatest danger, I would suggest you follow me like a disciple — just in case I am correct.